Happy New Ear

Our wishes to friends and families have become so routinely boring that it makes me wonder if we really mean what we wish. Even if you consider every wish genuine, you would remember only those that are different from the happy-so-and-so types. So this new year let me lend a special ear (figuratively) to this whole wish thing. It would be a personal touch that would make you smile, or laugh, or freak out, or cry, or whatever expression except the usual one. Some samples follow.

Occasion: It's your birthday (you are a nut).

Boring wish: Ranges from Happy birthday! -to- Many many happy returns of the day!; period.

Scoring wish: Hey you, your birth was a blessing for the scientists. They studied your brain where in left nothing was right and in right nothing was left. I know you said you will work hard to reverse the situation. Now that you have completed 27 years already, I can see you have hardly worked. Now in left nothing is left and in right nothing is right. Wish you many more such reversals.

Occasion: It's your wedding (you got a great deal).

Boring wish: Ranges from Congrats! -to- Have a great married life!; period.

Scoring wish: Hey you, I was just Googling for the (free) greeting cards to wish you and guess what, I found millions of cards with pictures of broken hearts. They were all addressed to your spouse. You lucky @#$%^&*. I will have to wait until I get a better card to wish.

Occasion: You are not well (you are a geek).

Boring wish: Ranges from Get well soon! -to- Wish you a speedy recovery!; period.

Scoring wish: Hey you, last time we talked over phone, I bluetoothed some of my neurons into your brain. Now wait for the magic. They have been programmed to electrify the red blood cells and supply the missing energy to your cytoplasm. That will awaken your lazy lysosomes for clean up. Once done, the absconding mitochondria and ribosomes will have to get back to work and provide you the much needed sanity. Finally, the endoplasmic reticulum will be barred from transporting any of your good health to the outside world. And there you go!

Occasion: It's {festival} time (you are such a goody person).

Boring wish: Ranges from Happy/Merry {festival}! -to- Wishing you a blessed {festival}!; period.

Scoring wish: Hey you, this {festival}, I don't have much to wish for you. Just what you might have forgotten to wish for. That completes my wish.

Occasion: You've become a proud parent (you are beaming).

Boring wish: Ranges from Congrats on arrival of new family member! -to- May God bless him/her with {so-and-so}!; period.

Scoring wish: Hey you, I was wondering why I didn't see any stars last night. Then I remembered you saying you were shooting for stars. Please send me the travel tickets with your savings from electricity so that I can come see the kid.

Occasion: It's new year (today!).

Boring wish: Ranges from Happy new year! -to- Wish you and your family a happy and prosperous new year!; period.

Scoring wish: Hey you, I've sent you two big boxes; one to stuff all the bad things from the last year, and the other for you to keep and store all the little things that made you smile. I will miss being with you this new year but will catch up soon once I'm done destroying the first box so that you'll never have to see it again. I hope by the time the next year ends, you need only one and bigger box!

So my friends and family can expect something similar now on. My wish may not be the best, but will be different from the rest. Almost.

Weapons of Mass Attraction

An interesting question. What do I have to have to be attractive? Being attractive is often equated with being physically beautiful. Other claimants could be money, power, fame... But there have been and are those who are not so but attract masses. What's their weapon?

There is a prayer in Arabic which translates to "O God, you have created me beautiful, so make my character also beautiful." When I was a kid I was taught to remember this prayer while looking into a mirror. I did. But little did I realize its relevance then. As time flew and the world around me unfolded, I knew I have been praying for the right weapon.

Then what is character in this context? Dictionary tells me it is a set of qualities or attributes that defines a person. These attributes include but are not limited to one's physical appearance. What are other more important attributes of one's character then? Well, you know better (or at least find out). I'm relieved that what makes me beautiful is not just my appearance. That prayer has always reminded me that I'm already beautiful; and what I need to beautify more goes beyond what meets the eye. Almost.

Wheels of Glory

Getting a car for yourself in the US is not a big deal but it sure is when I get it, considering all the tantrums that went into deciding and searching for it. That should not surprise you if you know me; if not, read on. It might even help you if you are new to this country and happen to be in the same category as mine.

To begin with, I have no prior driving experience and don't have driving license from India (which is another interesting story, but some other time). Having one would entitle you to drive here (NH) for two months without getting US driving license (varies depending on states); enough time to practice and acquaint with rules of the roads here. So having kicked out of that possibility, as per NH state law, I would go through a 6 to 8-week Driver's Education Certificate course, where I would attend 15 two-and-a-half hour theory classes, 10 one hour driving classes, and 6 one hour observation classes. Ultimately a 13 hour busy day including office. Adding to the fun, my wallet would get lighter by $600. That's one part. Now once you start the course you have to arrange for transportation to and from the driving school since public transport is not always handy here. But thanks to all my friends-having-car here, I was saved from that worry. All the troubles apart, getting again into the classroom was no less fun than original school days, the change being this time my classmates were American kids.

You got the Driver's Ed certificate. You are eligible to apply for US driving license. A great relief. But hello, where is the car? OK I would start searching for one now. Although used cars is a big market here, and all the searching you can do online, getting a right one is not always easy. Particularly when you are too specific about what you want. Indians on H1-B here generally go for Honda/Toyota owing to its good re-saleability. I was no different. I just had few criteria: black color, automatic transmission, power options, 2000s make, around 90K miles and within $7K budget. I was flexible on everything but one - color (you guessed right). So there started the fun - search online everyday, visit dealers, consult friends, contact the sellers, test drive, negotiate the price. But the biggets roadblock, as it turned out, was my color-criterion.

Internet was full of deals offering better features than what I wanted but black color; "No cars found matching your criteria". Dealers were delighted to fetch me a moon(roof) which was not even in my wanted list until I enlightened them with my black obsession; "You are a pain in the ass (smile-n-grunt)". Friends were all there with info on good deals except black cars; "What's in color?". It took everybody a while to understand that no black, no car. Once the belief established, all efforts were diverted to making it happen. Two months later I would write this to thank everybody who endured my tantrums on car search with smiling face and joined me to believe I would get one. Moral? Patience.

So here is my black beauty - 99 Honda Accord Coupe. After savoring it for hours, felt like writing something, mid-night blogging took over me, and what you just read is a story of my sweet struggle. Almost.

Growing Up? What's That?

Imagine it's your birthday today. You (no matter what gender) expect to be asked "so, how old(!) are you?", many times. And here starts the fun. Every time you reply, you feel you are being forced into that creepy sense of being old, and responsible, and mature, and what not. But if you refuse to grow up, your answers would match mine.

Warming up...
Q: So, how old are you?

A: I am 27 years young!


Q: So, you have grown up (!)

A: No, I have grown flat!

Getting to the nerve...
Q: So, how do you feel being 27?

A: Feels like I am still 17!

Q: So, you are the eldest brother, right?

A: Yes, I am the most irresponsible!

Getting serious...
Q: So, you have lot of things to do for your family (!)

A: Really? Their expectations don't indicate so!

Q: So, working hard these days?

A: Yes, hardly working!

Changing direction...
Q: So, lot of girl-friends, huh?

A: Yes, I make all kinds of friends!

Q: So, time to get married?

A: No, I need to practice how to tie knots!

Irritation rising...
Q: So, what are the plans ahead in life?

A: Oops, let me check my calendar!

By this time the questions stop; naturally. And I start appearing more co-operative. But the questions stop anyway. I feel nobody is worried about me. Then I realize why. Now I wait for the next b'day. I plan to be more co-operative then. Almost.

Black Magic

I don't believe in it but over the time I have come to an understanding that I am really taken by some black magic. And guess what, I am not interested in nailing down the sorcerer, for I enjoy these black attacks.

It starts with small pangs of shopping desire, and by the time it is over, my shopping cart wears a black smile. At least one part of my formal outfit has to be black, or nearest shade of black. Ties or shoes, no discrimination in color. Levi's or Newport, jeans and Ts are ritually black. The bag that carries them and other stuff is black too. Think of time and the Titan sports its black outline on the wrist. Call me and the black Sony W810i will spring to life. Work is tolerable because the black Lenovo T60 is pleasant to look at. The latest addition to the black armour is the 4-wheeled beauty Honda Accord Coupe. Any future purchase plan starts with imagining its black beauty. If a girl is beautiful (the 'if' is unnecessary here), she is gorgeous in black. There is much to my black obsession. I certainly am in possession of some black spirit.

Color is almost a natural element in our lives, like the air we breathe. Every now and then we face its importance. Not only for us, it's important for others we care too. Think of pleasing kids and think of their favorite color. Think of a gift for him/her and his/her favorite color comes to the mind. Think of surprising someone and color surely is an option. Your moves center around your choice of color. But when it becomes an obsession, its effect is no less than a magic. In my case, it's black magic. Almost.

Freedom Writers

I liked the movie. The story is about a bunch of teenagers, or rather, gangs, struggling to make sense of their education amidst racial crises, until a new teacher brings about a wave of change. She grows them up from freedom warriors to freedom writers. Not only does the film portray a true story with touching finesse, but also reveals the power of writing. And that's the topic I am going to take liberty to write on.

A human heart is a home of many entangled feelings. Happiness. Sorrow. Love. Enlightenment. Longing. Detachment. Anger. Grudge. Acceptance. Betrayal. Shock. Pain... But we don't always express all of what we feel. While some feelings help us grow stronger and are meant for permanent citizenship in the heart, the others, on tourist visa, have power to weaken us unless we deport them back to the universe, or transform them into harmless residents. How do I do that for the feelings I know will kill the harmony of my heart? Express. How? Speak up. Do I always speak up my heart? No. Any other means to break free? Write. Will writing your heart out on a piece of paper that nobody is going to read change the situation, the people, the world? No. Then what's going to change? You.

Sounds funny, isn't it? Yes, if you have never tried it before. Remember the last time you felt loved, but could not appreciate it in open. Remember when you felt rejected, and could not comprehend why. Remember the relationship gone to pieces, unsure of what went wrong. Remember anything that made you suppress your feelings, or express in the way you won't agree to. All these might have made you weaker. The solution? Express and break free. Writing your heart out can help. The next time you think you will not be able to express yourself the way others can understand, don't attempt to lock the doors. Write down what you feel. Whatever. However. At the end, you are guaranteed to feel lighter, for what goes out, makes a way for the fresh air.

When you write, you express yourself in such detail that no speech can ever do. So when you can't speak, or there's nobody to speak to, write. Other advantages apart, writing is mostly a personal affair. Because the freedom is personal. It's from you, to you. Almost.

H-A-P-P-Y N-E-W Y-E-A-R

Here are my wishes for you for this new year.

For your personal habits (which are almost incorrigible)

May you get up early in the morning, not to thrash the alarm and go back to sleep but to enjoy the beauty of the morning. May you brush your teeth, not just look at them in the mirror and "looks ok; tomorrow." May you take bath, not just a face-wash. May you dress for work, not for the fashion show. May you have proper breakfast, not just the residues of the previous night. May you have time for good lunch-dinner, not just french fries.

For your health (now what's that?)

May your family of bills include health check-ups, gymming and anything else it takes to maintain good health, and not just phone calls, movies and food. May this year bring disappointment to your dentist, optometrist, cardiologist, podiatrist, dermatologist, gastro-enterologist, urologist, and most importantly, your psychiatrist. May you think healthy, not just look healthy. May you find yourself youthful, not just beautifool.

For your relation-ships (don't remember a steady one?)

May you find enough time to spend with your family, not just dry phone calls. May you remember to say "I love you" to your spouse, your children, your parents, and not just to your secretary or nurse. May you make more new friends, and not lose the old ones. May you show gratitude to your girlfriend/boyfriend for bearing with you. May you remember him/her whether you are in Bilimora, Bangalore or Boston. May you get the relatives who are not relative to your success or failure. May you respect your relations, not just use them.

For your career and finance (who cares?)

May you make more money this year, to pay the bills of the last year. May you show up on time for the morning meetings. May you be prepared before attending the meetings. May you know what the meeting is for before preparing for it. Most importantly, may you remember there is a meeting! May you try to understand a day's work before declaring it outrageous. May you take work-breaks in between your coffee sessions. May your boss understand your capacities, and accordingly give you minimum work. May you get promotion, without any motion in work.

There is lot more (good) to wish, but you know I am a bit lazy. So I hope these wishes make your new year rocking and rolling. If not, let me know the missing wishes so that I can include them in the next year's list. Almost.